JeDAsHyGaLonG’s Blog

but i guess, people do change.

it’s funny:

just a simple accusation and faults

& i’ve changed slowly.

i don’t like: me changing

getting familiarize with things that aren’t supposed to be

it’s wrong~i know.

& it’s unfair to the other party

hah. i’m blabberring

i really need some light reading or good music to hear.

to clear up-the fogginess in my mind

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updates: em these are few things that I’ve UNDERLINED for this whole semester so that i’ll try to accomplish.

(1) I WANT TO SWIM mcm giler giler giler sem ni. Sampai lemak di lengan cair!

(2) I WANT TO SLEEPOVER IN MY LAB (*ahah but this will be a secret between you and me)

(3) I WANT TO GO to some kuliah ilmiah. Like finding my soul religiously~ so that when I graduated from IIUM, I won’t be completely jahanamistic or ta’ban.

(4) I WANT TO SPEND quality time with my friends. I’m gonna miss them so much! (even now I already miss them)

(5) I REALLY WANT TO overcome my fear towards fierce lecturers and DO MY BEST IN MY THESIS AND PROJECT

(6)  I DON”T WANT TO stutter anymore while giving presentations. I want to be confident and poise

(7) I WANT TO sell my old bicycle and get some money. I’m planning to take EOP (English for Occupational Practice) for this short semester. My mother agrees only if i use my own money.

(8) I WANT TO AVOID hate feeling and negativity. Ulu yam, sg. gabai, any tasik, jum ayuh berpiknik!

(9) I WANT TO FALL IN LOVE; but only with books and dead men’s writing stuff, and journals and other unrelated to the opposite gender.  I found that having one unrequited love is quite tiring; so i’ll save mine until the right moment come. #having thoughts like:

i found that he’s the most-saddest person in the world, i feel like i just want to make him happy,

& countless late nights of sleep minimization is somehow, ntah~makes my head spinning.

(10) I just want to enjoy my last moment as of being entitled as a student!

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* i just started blogging on *other blogging medium. Well, this blog is my new baby. i’ll try to fill it with my thoughts and then we’ll see if i want to share it with the whole world or not. Ahah. I’m too shyla when friends start reading about me, and start to unfold me~ahah

cheers for now~

Right before I went to Kuching, I bought two books; one from Faizal Tehrani and one from Habiburahman El-Shirazy. I went back at home, I gave these two books to my mother and said: Nah homework utk mak sepanjang org xder kat umah. Bace!!, pastu bgtaw synopsis nye..hehe (nnti senang nk decide utk bace ke x). My mom replied: heh nilah ko, memg bangse pemalas, nak bace buku cerita pon kne suro mak bace dulu, nnti nak kawen pon suro mak jugak pilih kan…..

(out of topic): MAKK!!!!!

Pfuih. Cis. That’s all I can say. Topic yg least I discussed wif my mom. Other than cute Korean boys ngn ngumpat our makcik2 kat ss4B ni, itu jer topic yg kami; eh I felt comfortable to discussed with mymom. Her type of ideal man: kulit putih, pakai spek, bibir tebal (mcm Jamie olliver), tinggi xkesah, rambut style ala2 Amitabh Bachan. Instead, she got my dad who is actually short, dark, and xpakai spek and bile tua rambut sudeh thinning. Huahua, pdn muka!. (maknenye nnti sye pon dpt oppositekah dr pilihan sye?!)

Em my ideal type of men (physically): cute(sye xminta org ensem; nnti die lari), tinggi dr sye, em chubby2 ckit mcm teddy bear(sbb kalu dier lebey kurus dr sye, nnti sye rse inferior), rambot xkesah: kerinting ker, lurus ke, botak ke, asalkn chomel!! ngn bile kite tgk die kite rse blushing dn berdebar2. Ntah, tp physically, I don’t care sgt, asalkn ader die punye ilmu agama lebih tinggi dr sye, okila kot. Sye tamawla nnti, sye yg kene kejot die utk smyg…or sye yg kene ajar ank2 ngaji. Dah nmpak sgt2la dlm Islam ni lelaki harus lebih ilmu agama dr wanita, sbb as a lelaki, dia yg akn jadik khalifah kecil utk keluarga kite…itu jer harapan dan impian sye : )

Ehem mind the topic, sbb I’ve just finished watching Boy’s Over Flower miniseries; my hormone are raging due to overexposure watching super cute boys. Haha. Just to show how pathetic my life really is. Due to relationship status; right know I feel confused again; but I’m happy as of being single.

Kuching was great. I have loads of fun. Rse greatful sgt due to ader kawan2 yg sanggup have kiteorg kat sane for few days. Yelah. Dahlah cuti memg sikit, pastu mrk sudi plak tu luangkan mase, bw kiteorg gi jenjalan, abiskan minyak, kadang2 pikir balik baik diorg tido kat umah je dr susahkn diri.Thanx sgt ZAZA and JAS and DIANA for having us. Only God bley balas jasa, baik budi korg.

Macam tatawla kan, sbnrnye Kuching Trip aderlah lebey kpd mkn trip. Kami dibawa ke tempat2 mkn across Kuching. First stop kat umah nenek Jas: kami mkn durian Sarawak, sbb atok Jas suke sgt tgk kami gobble up durian, die jempot lagik kiteorg dtg lusenye mkn tengahari. Saye mase tue rse terharu sgt tgk makanan yg manyak. Almaklumlah, due to the size of my perot, dan betapa bahagianye ‘bakal anak2 saye’ dpt mkn udang2 yg gemok dan fresh, sayur2 yg menyehatkan, ikan terubok masin yg memg masin, laksa Sarawak yg kaw, kuah ‘dhal’ istimewa dn mcm2 lagik. Hampir tergenang la air mate saye…isk isk. Rse mcm kiteorg ni sendrik cucu kpd datok jas..haha.. Pastu, bile mlm, mkn plak kat umah zaza, laksa serawak lagik, nasik, ayam ape ntah dah lupe nmenye ngn sayur yg seakan paku pakis yg dikatekn sgt mahal dn bermusim. Sekali lagik, diri ini terase mcm anak angkat kpd mak zaza due to attention yg diberikan. Haha. Sye berkate smbil memegang perot sye: mkn ya nak, ni mama mkn mkanan bnyak2 ni supaya korg sehat mcm mak. L0L.

Pengalaman yg xdpt dilupakan di Kuching, em bila mase nak tido malam, sbb sejuk sgt kat hotel Margherita, sye nye mengah pun dtg. Dada rse sesak. Batok. Hingus mengalir. Makan ubat pon mengah xhilang. Sejuk sgt sampai rse nak mati, tp yg peliknye saye sorg jer terase. Org lain rse biase ajer. Pastu, sye mestila da balutkn diri sye ngn sweater dan stoking tebal sye. Dan da pkai da selimut. Kami semua bersempit mlm tu sbb Jas n Zaza decide nak slumber party skali. Pastu, Diana, hihi agaknye dia ingat sye dah tido, dier selimutkan sye ngn selimut tebal die. Sye rse mcm hihi..bes dan manja. Mcm Diana, seorg ibu yg penyanyang dan sye seorg anak yg nakal. Haha. Tp this small things that makes you appreciate that person, and love them even more.

Lagik satu yg best kat Kuching, aderla tyme kami terserempak ngn geng2 enjin yg lain. Ader kononla mcm 3 kelompok la bdak engine ke Kuching tyme cuti hari tuh, geng Razan (6org), geng Mek(11org) dn kami(6org). Bilamase kami berkumpol rmai2 di rumah zaza, rse mcm trip kelas plak dr uia. Borak2. Cerita sambil ketawa terbahak2. Chill out. Mkn. Having a blast together. Itulah saat plg manis saye kat Kuching. Bersame circle of people that I loved. Mcm2 cerita; dr geng Mek, dpt taw seorg tertinggal flite, dn mcm mane diorg rotate tido kat katil hotel diorg. LOL. Ikot flite. Sukela. Agaknye tyme bila lagik dpt dudok hang out mcm tuh.

Pastuh, sye suke sgt bile dgr celoteh dr Mak Zaza dan datok Jas. Sbbnye ntah. Diorg cerita pasal history, lagenda, pasal anak and cucu diorg **, ntah mcm bes. Zaza memg mewarisi ‘keramahan’ dan celoteh mak die. Ahaha. Bagik saye, history lah that made who we are; and it is important that we value them.

…and then there was Damai beach. Chantik sgt. Tataw, sye ni kalu maner2 pantai jer sye jadik mcm batak gile. Main2 pasir. Klu ikotkan hati, nak ajer golek2 ats pasir, tp sebb tak bwk baju lebey kn. So kaki, main2 pasir suda. Seronoknye. Refreshing, walopun ombak dier agak besar. Bau air laut. Angin yg sepoi2 bahasa. The ticklish feeling you have as sand went through your toes. Some sort of nice feeling. Makes you feel rejuvenate, after having a lot of stress due to study. The thing I like most when being at a beach is to hear the sound of wave crashes onto rocks and just enjoying that some sort of infinite view of ocean. Ngeeee~ I’m so happy!

Uh, yeh, I have sunburn while jalan2 shopping at Sarikin. The heat unbearable. Pkul 10 pagik, matahari dah ats kepala okey!!!. Tapi, the shopping spree, hihi is worth it. That was at the sempadan of Malaysia-Indonesia. Macam2 baju2 kawin yg da siap bley dpt dlm rm45, kain lembut org buat utk baju melayu pon bley dpt dlm rm25!. Murah. Sye sendrik mendptkan diri saya sepasang kain kebaya (blum jahit) dlm warna purplish. Rse mcm xmaw beli kain da, tp sbb chomel sgt, ader bunga ngn butterfly timbul2 lagik, kat semenanjung jer maybe dah dlm arge rm120++. Selepas, ops tawar menawar, sye pon belila. Lagik, oh saye beli kain pelikat utk datok, and some cenderemate utk frens. Rsenye klu ikot shopping, kan, sye lebih mudah dan senang kuarkn duit utk bender2 mcm ni, dr abiskn duit di shopping mall. Haha. Beli langsir, alas meja, kain batik etc. Sye suke. Kadang2 sye rse jiwa sye ni jiwa org lame. Mcm nenek2 dlu.

Pastu kat Jaybee, saya dan yaya tumpang/homestay di rumah Diana. Em seronok. Sbb rumah Diana mcm rumah kampong2, toilet kat luar rumah, ayam bela sendrik, ade pokok pucuk ubi etc. Rase mcm dlu2 kat kampong, mse arwah nenek ader. Best. Diorg adeq beradik, masak bnyak2 bagik kat jiran, perkare yg least sye nmpak dah skrg kat city. Kdg2 sye rse jeles, tp xperla, mungkin bukan nasib saye. Em, dah smpi umah Diana; kami ni, lpas mkn, tido jer: penat btol2 dah kick-in. Saye ni plak satu; takot nk calling mak, sye suro Diana yg ckp dlu sbb sye xbalik raye. Pastu bile Diana pas henpon kat saye, xtertahan lagik air mate. Saye rse bersalah. Tinggalkan mak sye sorg2. Pastu mak sye kate: ko ni naper, batok ke? Sakit ke? Sye lambat jawab; sye kater: iyer, smbil buat2 batok. Mak pon ckpla, nnti nak balik nnti koll, pastu jgn susahkn mak Diana. Saye da mak ckp camtuh, saya pon rse lega. Hehe. Takot gak, klu tibe2 dlm bas, eksiden xsempat mintak maaf.So, itu jerla skrg. Panjangkan post ni. Tp sye happy, more than happy bile balik ke rumah. Percutian itu akn jadik bermakna, apabila kita habiskan dgn org yg tersayang. Kawan2 patut ditreassure dr skrg, because when they’re gone, you cannot possibly get them back easily. So, cherish your friends and love ones from now rather than regret it later. X0X0.izzaida.

We can stretch it, test its limit

To see how long it would elongate

At times it will be back to its normal shape

& you insist; you stretch it more

Until there is a point of rupture

That point of rupture continues to stretch

Even more~

At the end, that piece of elastic string pun ‘putus’

It will never mend.

It would only leave a stretch mark

Right inside your heart.

You wished the things would be normal

As if they were

But in reality, you’re departing into two separate poles

That will never met

This is friend.ship.

Hiii… (doing a very long grin smile)

I’m having a short break from my examination-nye study. Looking back at my playlist, I find it hard dah utk mcm distinguish genres of music. I’ve become like download lagu and terus msuk dlm playlist. Sometimes dpt 1 album dr fren2, tataw pon artis shaper or tajuk album. Hihi. Cumenye rasenye apart from reading books; I really enjoy listening to musiq. Tapi tawkn kadang2 xelok terlalu asyik dengar lagu n sampai you’ve become terikot2 dgn lagu itu. Xelok. Sbb nye satu; music itu kan mcm ader sedikit power/majika/bisikan syaitan yg menyuruh anda terikot2 dan terbawa2 dgn perasaan anda. Jadi, seiimbangkanlah mendengar musika itu dgn membaca alQuran or mendengar bacaan alQuran.

Okai-okai-so the real sbb I’m writing this post is to share ngn korg some of my favourite love songs yg ader dlm playlist latest ini; yg sedikit mcm krappy, tp seronok shj buat kerja! J so, here goes…..

Goo goo dolls - iris äSnow patrol - chasing carsäPearl jam - last kissäThe Libertines - waterlooäJust like a woman - Bob DylanäFrank Sinatra - MoonriveräMelee~ - Built to lastäRadiohead - CreepäTyler Hilton - GladäMicheal Tolcher - Bad HabitsäDido - White FlagäBabyface - Everytime I close my eyesäStereophonic - it means nothingäMichelle Branch - everywhereäThe Cardigans - LovefooläKRU - apa saja (agagagaga) äNidji - Jgn LupakanäThree Doors Down - Here by meäTravis - Love Will Come ThroughäS07 - Pilihlah aku! äJuliet the Orange - QuizzicaläThe Cure - Just Like HeavenäCorinne Bailey Rae - TroublesleepingäCorinne Bailey Rae - Just Like a StaräYuna - Deeper ConversationäCreed - with arm’s wide openäBrian Adam - Please forgive meäThe Kooks - Shine on! äUngu - Tercipta untukkuäLifehouse - You and meäEdwin Mccain - I’ll beäLifehouse - everythingäThe Calling-wherever you’ll go~Flop Poppy - chinta~ kopratasa - kerna kau isteriku

Oh fuuh itu jer stakat ini yg teringat. Banyak lagik sebenarnye.  Xtertulis shj. But truly, em I like iris ngn chasing cars, sbb mcm ntah. Best. & den KRU-ape saje pun; gud memory tyme mude-mudi dlu. Em S07, x berapa good memory, tp still best song jge~. Creep sbb ader org syiorkn. Em, waterloo sbb org dedicate. Bob Dylan ngn Sinatra; fav lagu arwah babah. Dan ungu:  :)) .

We always mcm have songs dat describes feeling kite at certain moments. Kdg2 bile tengah gatal tuh, psgla playlist lagu2 chinta, bile rse nak ‘wallow’ pasang playlist lagu patah hati; bile tengah nk mcm nk mate terbukak pasg playlist upbeat tempo. Dn etc etc.

Music ni it doesn’t matter la what types of genre pon, rap ke, rock ke, soul ke, instrumental ke, kalu dah music tu mesti mcm worth hearing. Sbbnye aper? Ia dtg dr hati. People write songs to tell what inside their heart & to give a statement. Sye rse em org2 yg buat lagu ni seorg yg romantic la. Sbbnye diorg mcm malu nk luahkn perasaan diorg, so, diorg turn to music sbgai medium utk meluahkn perasaan diorg. Begitu juga ngn poet, penulis novel, pembuat arca dn sebagainye. Hihi.

There shouldn’t be any discrimination in music!

Em aper lgik maw ckp eh;

~ oh. Aku ni kalu agak2 nk dekat seminggu xbce Quran, mesti ader ‘gula2′ dtg temankn ak dlm tidor. Bongok betol. Aku bukan jadik takot da ngn  ‘gule2′ tu, malah jadik lagik marah. Sbb minggu2 exam kn dier dtg kacu. Tindih2. Gi la kacu org lain, mcm org yg clubbing tu ker. Si memey tu ker. Xkose nk layan. So, this is my update for now. Untuk siapa yg clbrate burfday dier bulan ini; hepy burfday. Semoga anda senantiase dilimpahi cahaya keberkatan dn keimanan dr-Nya selalu. Untuk Shikamaruddin; em sye syg anda!. Semuga anda tenang disana. Tahun ini tahun ke-12 anda tiada. Kami semua masih rindukan anda. Saya paling rindukan anda. Semuga kita bertemu dibelahan dunia yg lain.

I feel like, em blabbering before this coming final exam to remove all my negative vibe. It’s been a while.  I really missed writing. At least at something I’m interested at.

Wo0h. Writing for Final Year Project Report; really test my ability in writing and at the same time my mathematical understanding; of which I’m lack of. Dealing and engineering living things is not an easy task bebeh! Its dynamic and ever-changing. It needs time; of which I’m lack of again.

I don’t know. This past few weeks has been really hectic for me. I’ve become un-organisable.  I wear worn t-shirts and slippers to class for God’s sake. I feel lack of doing other thing unnecessary except doing my journal reading and reviewing other’s experiment. My room looks like all hell break loose.

Then, there were times I’ve to do experiment for preliminary results. I don’t know. This pass few days really makes me thinking. When I was alone in the lab; doing my analysis and until like 10pm; there’s nobody at the biotech building; I felt alone and somehow dead.

Macam em, org tanya xtakot ke dok dlm lab tuh sorg2. I answered: kalu takot xsiap la keje; da la saye kne buat reducing sugar analysis, ethanol analysis, acetic acid analysis and total cell number every 12 hours; so nak xnk, takot ke x, kenela kuatkan semangat.

..and I broke my mother promise. I said that I’ll come back this week. Mcm dah lame since I balik umah, n my mother seemed like anticipate jer me nak balik. Then, becoz I was like terkejar2 nak dptkn preliminary results, I xjadik balik umah. I called her. She said: ko xbalik umah izzaida hati ak ni senang; xyah nk amik tahu pasal korg. At the end she said: I don’t want to have anything to do with you adik beradik any more. Then I realized; I broke her heart. But, because I was distracted with my work; I forgot to weep. I was confused. Mak ni emo la plak…forgetting how sinful I am to her.

I come to my senses yesterday at approximately 7.30 pm; while I was alone at the general purpose laboratory. I received a message from mama saba: adek; ko sorg ke kat lab tuh, jgn la dok lame2 kat sane;  ak tgk smlm mcm sunyi sepi sgt. Apa2 jadik kat ko ak jugak yg riso. Yerla. ‘Mak’ manerla xriso anak2 buat experiment sorg2 dlm lab mlm2 kat bangunan yg kosong.  Then, while washing my used apparatus; I wept. I told my mother that what I do exactly at the lab; at what time until what time. I guessed she maybe riso tahap gaban. I was too blind kejaring my grades. I forgot. That I’m human.

Naik lif ke tingkat 4 nak pulangkan kunci. Jalan gelap. I don’t know. I cry as I passed every empty laboratory. Cepat jer air mate ni mengalir. Kalu pasal mak jer; ntah xtertahan. Yes! I missed her. Nak sgt balik umah. But I kept telling myself that work lagik penting. Kalu xsacrifice ckit; macam mane nak Berjaya? Kenela matang. But actually I’m lying to myself. I myself don’t want to b near any kematangan-ness. I don’t know what I want actually. I see other hard-working biotech students; I become envy and xley diorg lebey ckit dr saya. Kiranya, what I’m trying to say is; my niat nak buat preliminary experiments sbnrnye nak ikot org. Not as to belajar. Tp sebab xnak kalah ngn org.

The heart of a human being is somewhat scary. Even for me; I realized that, ntahla sgt jahat dn busuk hatila ak ni. Sampai dengki sgt kelebihan org lain smpai bley lupe kat org yg riso and sayang kat kita. Itu sebenarnye sbb I cried. Kalu nak ikotkn bende2 ‘mistik’ tu kat mane2 ader. Cumenye Nampak xnampak shj. Ntah, for me; hati manusia itu sendiri lebih menakotkan dr mane2 pontianak or jembalang or ‘gule2′. Tulah, agaknye hati saya ni busuk dan hitam sgt smpai ‘diorg’ pon xnak kacu sye semase saya buat keje did lm lab sorg2 mlm2 dis past few days.

So, this is all ‘update’ that I have for now. Wish me luck in my examinations. I’ve already been ‘bantai’ during my fyp presentation td. What goes around comes around. Oh how I wished I could turn back time.

Now November winds arrived; which brings back those sad memories. I hate November! It always rains. As it is in my heart as long as I can remember. I hate this month most. Flashes of memories keep coming back and forth. It hurts; for every second in November you can remember almost everything: the scent of rain on that day, the feeling you had; as you can immerse back to that memories and once again act the scene all over again. I hate November. I hate November.

i’m now more certain of what my heart says

i’m no longer afraid

at first i did

after yesterday- having a quite short chat with Mr. Aspalela

i’m certain

i give my situation-i questioned: if he’s/she’s like this-

am i inviting a heart ache if let say i fall for him/her deeply?

he says: you shouldn’t be afraid to be rejected

: you shouldn’t kept your l___ to your own

: you should be bold but nevertheless be yourself

: go crazy! go deeply crazy in love with him/her

: because letting it in-& not telling him/her the truth would make you a loser-you’re not even trying

(after some thoughts-i think-yeah~ i want to be in —-.)

so, i think- i’ll erase my previous post of Silent Love- a mute offender as i want to move forward and forget my old l—

even though him/her already have an option-i ‘ll pray

that it will be broaden to include me : )

but as for now, i’ll be focusing on my studies

maybe this is gonna be the last post~for a while

i’ll keep updated.

but i just want to clear it out that:

i’m not afraid-i’ll enter that ring and battle

if it means there’s a chance of loosing

but it’s worth it

if it’s a battle for a wonderful person like him/her

i wish he/she realized what a wonderful person he/she is

Thus;

wherever you are-i’ll pray that you’ll always be under His guidance

if you’re travelling-i’ll pray that you’ll have a safe journey

if you’re feeling down and sad-i’ll pray that you’ll read the Quran-as it is the best remedy

and most importantly;

i’ll pray that i won’t be misguided remembering you everyday until i neglect my other responsibilities especially to God himself

having you for these past months is really a bonus!

i’ll take my baby steps-slowly into your heart!!!! ; )

How can we describe of doing good deeds? Is it an action of just by smiling to others? Or helping the elderly? Or simply by give a sit to the un-capable ones when you see them entering the train?

Well, if you ask me-my answer is: I don’t know

But, there’s a scholar, a female scholar who actually has a master in Buddhism anthropology; her name I forgot (sorry:() once said that in Buddhism there shouldn’t be any form of need in killing other living soul; even if the living soul is bad as Satan. It’s like: for a Buddhist they need more to save life and they actually don’t need to believe any form of entity that rules the world; as long as they’re doing good deeds, then that will make them pious etc. In other words, it’s like if we already dedicate our life in helping people and avoid doing bad deeds such as bribery, gluttony, lust and even having bad thoughts on others; then we don’t have to believe in God(nauzubillah). Even by avoiding a mosquito that bite you, you’re considered pious as you are saving life and avoiding killing.

Now, in my perspective; how can we do such many good things without knowing to whom we are submitting it? If let say there is no God(nauzubillah) then, why should I care if I want to be a good person or not, or why should I care if I kill this person, there is no one that can judge me. I’m free doing what I want to without having issues that I’ll be punished in the Afterlife. See, even a lament person like me can see a big contradiction of what Buddhism teaching is. Am I disrespecting the religion? NO, I’m NOT. This is just a thought that I want to share with my Muslim fellow.

And in this Ramadhan, the most Holy month of all in Islamic/Hijriyyah calendar; I guess, there is still some of my fellow Muslim outside there that didn’t realize the power/magic of it. They are still in their normal like-being. I wouldn’t say that they are astray from the right path because only God knows if I’m even considered in the right path or not. But it’s like, finding excuses to not to fast; or hating the reading of Quran aloud; I don’t know. It’s like wrong. It’s kind of sad actually.

Fasting really do can overcome your nafs(lust). The lust of hating other people; or when you think you make people angry towards you or disappointed in you-you feel sorry. The lust of remembering or even looking to the opposite gender; there is a certain bar that restricts you from doing that. I think, in Ramadhan; automatically you will lower your gaze. Not that I’m boasting, but I myself don’t know the reasons why, but I will automatically lower my gaze; not as in other months. Then, there were times I felt like too much of remembering ‘that’ someone - and I paused; astagfirullah. Just by remembering the other person, might avoid me from doing my work chores or Ibaadah and I even would make him/her sinful as he/she becomes my fitna. I repent of committing that or remembering that other person. Sorry to say, that it’s not like me to do like that. I admit. I’m weak when it comes to that person that I found I’m fond of. But that is the power of Ramadhan I think, you just like trying your best to abstain your lust.

Yes-and among the power of Quran, I find that if we don’t read it let say like 3 days; insyaAllah you’ll be like lost, your heart don’t feel at ease, and the lust of being mad to everyone around you grew stronger and stronger. Alas, when the urge of missing to read the Quran came; your eyes filled with tears, and suddenly your heart feels like at ease and at home when you read it.

Verse by verse, words by words; the Quran heals your heart. Even though you’re not fluent nor you understand in every word you’ve read; you became to realize that you are more ‘ridho’ or accept in everything you’ve gone through.

And when you do your ‘tahajjud’ in the middle of the night, at time when you ’sujud’, you can feel that the time froze. You can almost hear the wind breeze to your ears softly ‘Allah is Almighty’, ‘Allah is Loving & Forgives’. MashaAllah. This is the feeling you get when you do your ‘amalan’, prayers in Ramadhan. Even if you’re not an ‘ustadz’ or ‘ustadzah’; as long as you do it sincerely; insyaAllah His grace will come to you.

Therefore, you shouldn’t be sad (la tahzan) nor should you be angry (la taghdhib) in Ramadhan. It’s the month of victory. It’s a month of competing in doing good deeds; not as compete in a competition, but rather as to compete to get His attention and love. For there is no love that is greater than His love.

See, how lucky we are as a Muslim. When we do good deeds, there is God that will reward us. So, we are not doing good deeds point-black or blindly without knowing to whom we submit it to. So between believe and action, between faith and lust, it is you who decides. Believe and having faith in your teaching is your stand, and performing it with action of Ibaadah compliments it or maintains the faith & in Ramadhan you came clear between nafs and imaan, lust and faith. The heavens are wide open in Ramadhan and His forgiveness is the one you should seek in it. Don’t be sad. Don’t be angry (as a reminder for myself). Be happy. It’s your month of love and cherish. Hope that next year you will come across Ramadhan and you’ll be a much more good devotees in worshipping Him. Let’s pray for the best and Happy Eid to all my fellow brothers and sisters in Islam!

hiiiiihiii

argh tense. xskela tgk grey’s anatomy ni…sekali setahun ak tgk, sekali tulah air mata ak ni berjujuran..(crybaby lagik)-give me reasons why everybody likes this story so much??!!!

oh should i or should i not share the story of my pass-em-love interest?

rse mcm nak tulis-tp takotla-bahaye bile ader org2 uia ni yg *membace-alamak-kantoi lg dcni..

hmm….tp yg penting dat was all in the pastla..mcm seronok jer nk criter balik. esp when i was being SO immature and poyo.

uh-ih-meow-geram ngn kawan2-or so called bff. Bulan ramadhan ni semakin menjadik2 plak nafsu amarahku~

oh-mencari lail qadr-mcm mane eh rsenye bile dah jumper mlm mulia ini? (mcm mane kmu akn jumper jika kmu asik ber-fb, dn  dok bace oH!artis dn oh!Bulan?!

nak buat biskot malas plak. nnti nk kene cuci tandas. xjalanla studi ak. (eh am i rambling?!)

hmmmm…..mak ni poyos lak-org belikn tudong utk dier, tamaw amik laks…eiw-bukannye ak letak minyak gune2 pon agar mak beri duit lbey tiap2 bulan (oh how i wish!)

aiyo my hair mcm dah jadik topi keledar-ader uban-rmbut gatal bnyak. hmm… haram eh nak kerintingkn/strait kn rmbut? kalu pkai getah dgn roller bley x?

rindu bdak2 ank yatim yg kat hulu selangor tuh. taun lpas gi bkak pose sme2 ngn diorg…taun ni xtaw plak citer…rindu ngn myra bt kamaruddin! chomel! chubby..sedap utk dipicit

em-try google raudatus-sakinah. rehabiltation(btol ke spelling) centre utk anak muslim yg dah terpesong. khas utk girls shj. tempat mcm, kalu dah termengandung, beranak kat ctu. nk tegakkn ape yg dah bengkok(akidah eh)

bdak2 umur 16 tahun pegang baby. mcm mane tuh. tp diorg ntahla..nmpak baik sgt, xsgke yg muke2 ini yg mcm em blak metal la, lari ikot pawela. sedey taw klu tgk

smue muke innocent2-rsenye bile kite dah 24/7 ngadap alquran; hati kiter terawat kot. hmm..tulah…nk tunjukkn betapa tinggi nye kuase membace alquran

so, agak2 hati tu rse lost; dn sedey shj, bacerla quran. even kalu bace tersangkot2 pon, em carikla surah2 yg senang dulu
nescaya insya-Allah hati kite ni mcm akn senantiase, rse mcm tenang la.

utk kes ak-hmm, tatawla sbb bace2 quran, tp nafsu amarah ni tetap ader. itu nmenye-xpraktik!…xmsukla tuh nur nye-bnyak tgk + dgr maksiat. padan muke..haha(ngarot lg)

aww! bley ke nk palpitasi hati bulan pose ni?hehe..
oh zaiton sameon~ ske jer dgr lagu ni balik2 cuti ni.retro la ktekn. org lain dok dgr bacaan quran, kite gi bantai lagu2 lame plak. eish. agak2 perot ni dah lapa, tp xtibe waktu buka lg nilah jadiknye..menyalak lagu2 ni…xsnonoh.

i ting i should stop right now-gosh! i relli nid a gud buk/blog to read(bace buku skolah!)

PaNg~b*tchslap utk diri sendiri….

Okey-I’m officially being SO retarded right now at home! (mode: happy)

• Mkn sedap-mak masak mee kari berbuke td-hepy sbb dlm mee kari tuh ader buah tomato so rse dier mcm masam2 ckit!
• Dah x merajuk dah ngn mak (lol)
• Gi shopping ngn kak leka at jln tar
• Dok umah tgk tv, bce buku, baling pop-pop kt kucing

So-post lpas I’ve bin like so emo2-now dat emotional state is at ease, rsenye mcm nak hepi2 la dlm post ni- ^_^..

11 september 2009

I should be preparing for my presentation slides at 3, and instead I’m blogging!!! Arghhhhh…

Tapi, oki kot-as long as I’m not emo… (mode: happy)

Hmm…yeah, smlm I’ve bin like naik turun tangge to cari2 my superadvisor, I jumpe other lecturer asked him where is my advisor etc..ader kater kat tgkat 2, I pun trun tgge, carik kat tingkat 2 xjmpe. Naik ats balik. Fuh. Den I met the lab’s technician; bincang utk peruntukan apparatus that would be use for my experiment for next semester.

Pastu kn, dlm my project ni aderla pkai DO controller n DO probe (dissolved oxygen). DO controller dah ader. DO probe yg xder lg. DO controller n probe ni mcm pentingla in my experiment sbb I’m doing fermentation of star fruit taw, so in order for me to control the yeast and bacteria’s behavioural, I have to supply sufficient oxygen to them so that they can secrete maximum value of vinegarla/acetic acid.

Xkesahla kn, pastu taw x peruntukan utk undergraduate student nye project aderla dlm RM 1.5k jer utk semua apparatus n chemicals. TAPI, taw x; utk my DO PROBE NI JER PON HARGE DIER DA RM 8K. wallaweh-bley beli beg COACH kot satu! Tp xkesahla, harapnye probe tu sempat smpi sblm I start to do my experiment next semester (hopefully-kalu x extend la ak T_T)

Oh speaking of seeing my superadvisor: bley bayangkn x aku jumpe advisor ak kat bilik dier nak diskuss la pasal projek ni kn. Pastu dok2 dier tengah bebel2 tuh; ak terlelap! Haha-malunye-xsnonoh nye budak. Ak sedar2 yg ak tertido bl ak dgr dier mcm naik kn sore die xplain n mcm ketok2 meja…haha penat sgt nye pasal; depan lec pon bley tido- jgn nnti mak mertua nk sarungkn cincin ak bley terlelap laks nnti~aww!

12 september 2009

Went to jln tar at KL ngn kak leka. I’m oso very hepy! Sbb mcm dpt beli ape yg mahu.

• I bought 4 tudong utk 4 bju smuenye pon corak2 klor hijo 1, maroon 1, purple 1, ngn 1 tudong plain putih utk pkai ke kelas, em
• 1 liquid eyeliner(tgh praktis cmner teknik pemakaian yg btol)
• Ngn 1 brooch mcm comel sgt..nnti klu rajin ak uplod ltak. Dier mcm lain dr yg lainla, hijau2+emas ckit..agak rabakla beli-tp lawa nye pasal belilah…
• Btw: kak leka blnje kek secret recipe! Dah berbulan2 xmkn…tp xder choc banana-ader choc walnut, xkesahla-alhamdulillah, yg pntg mkn free!

Kesimpulannye; bile syep mcm balik umah-selalunye hepi2. asalkn jaoh dr uia jer mestila ak heppy

Cuti-cuti jgak

Tp humwork tetap ader eh kwn2…..

• Eseimen waste management engineering
• Eseimen facility design
• 2 lab repot
• Study utk test matlab bukak cuti ni
• Study utk test waste management engineering-pon naik cuti ni
• Online quiz facility
• Study utk midterm biokem 2
• Oh-email literature review kat dr. parveen

Kesimpulannye, nak kater cuti-xla sgt-sbb bnyak keje kot-in addition, rsenye dlm next wik kene dtg uia jgak, blaja nak handle bioreactor dr nassir (bdak fyp 2).

Nassir ni rajin sgt. Pandai plak tuh

Ak rse segan mcm nk blaja ngn dier, sbbnye projek ak pon smbungan dr projek dier, so, pretty much mcm i will take die nye results, methods and analysis. Sbb tu kot smue org kate keje ak senang jer… isk isk.. susah jgak taw.

Nak x nak, kalu by the end of sem ni ak xdpt nak beli skuter, terpakse la ak pindah mahalla hafsah, so that dekat ngn lab.

Bukannye sbb aper, cumenye yg fyp(final year projek) ak ni memerlukan ak kerap ke lab utk amik sample and analysis. Nak xnk kene jgakla dtg lab 8.30 pg, amik bacaan-analisis dlm 2 jam, pastu mlm pun amik bacaan, analisis dlm 2 jam jugak.

Leceh kalu nk berulang alik ke njin dr maryam ni. Tulah-org suro abis blaja bw keta xnak…skrg terima la padahnya

Tp mcm syg jer nk tinggalkn maryam. Sbb dah dr 1^st year kan dok kat ctu. Rabak x rabak-jaoh x jaoh, ske jer aku dok maryam. Masalah kekurgan air tader-sejuk plak tuh, toilet pon oki kalu nk compare ngn mahalla lain-tp inilah namenye pengorbanan kn dlm menimba ilmu. If xder sacrifice mcm mane la kiter nak hidupkn?

So, post nipon dah panjang berjela2, org pon akn skip2 jer bace….

Until den, selamat berpose semua-smuga hari ini lebey baik dr hari semalam..amiin~

Alas, I finally cracked up yesterday. After a wholesome stress weeks of doing lab, exams, quizzes, assignments, reports & in between seeing lecturers for fyp consultation.

There were times when I’m happy. There were times I felt like avoiding people. I don’t know. Lately, I’ve been like cepat marah, cepat merajuk, cepat terasa, dn mcm senang la menangis. (cry baby).

Mcm smlm pun tengah lab2 dgn berebot apparatus, berebot cop thoma chamber lpas org. bendenye satu, yg nak pakai 8 grup. Bygkanlah. Smlm memgla org bising ak buat keje lambat, tp bile umi ckp yg xxx jeling ngn bitching org about me; jdik mcm sedih sgt sbbnye ak mcm da consider die as fren yg rapat. Terdiam ak. Padahal mase tuh die dok sebelah ak, cume blkg skit. Ish. Beremosinye. Rasa cepat jer air mata n ink mengalir.

Pastu, ak merajuk pulak ngn mak. Tataw. Dah seminggu xkoll die. Selalu kalu balik ke x balik ke mesti kolling mak. Tp ntahla. Dr sabtu lpas; mak mule2 kejotkn ak tyme buke dr rumah datok sbb ak tetido. Die macam tertinggi suare skit. Aku plak tros terkejot bangun. Pastu, mulela perang dingin ngn mak ak. Ak diam je, sahur smpi hari ahad pun ak xckp ngn mak ak. Pelik kn? Selalunye; ak xmcm ni. Ala2 ank derhaka pulak.

Setiap kali mcm nk jmpe Dr parveen je mesti ak mcm stress gile. Workloads. Die mcm ntah, xske aku kot. Mcm chontoh methods, flowchart ngn DOE ak smue die kate kopy nassir. Pdhal, penat taw ak bace journal org. Ntahla, I felt like I’m a bug being squashed by an elephant. Rase mcm xlayak jer.

Pastu bilemase ak mcm malas nk jmpe org; ak pun mulela memontengkn diri..dah 4^th yer pon nk ponteng jgak. Gile. Kalu result gempak bleyla nk ponteng2; ini result pon mcm ayam. Mati ak. Ternganga la nnti xdpt buat master. Kak xxxx ckp: jeda awk ni xpekala, yg correction test 1 tu sir ckp suro anta semalam, kalu hari ni xdpt markah da. - jeda; dr maan dah letak smue requirements dlm lms die - jeda senang kn awk ader nassir, smue method ngn doe pon awk amik dr dier je kn? - jeda ko buat keje lambatla -

Padahal, kalu ak jdi diorg; ak xdpt pon nk meng-komplen diorg lambat buat keje etc. klau tunggu turn buat experiment; tader pon ak menjeling2 buat muke xpuas hati. Ak lg seronok kot borak2 ngn org. tader pon tarek muke. Ak plg sedih sbbnye mcm kwn kn sendiri yg ckp. Penatla mcm ni. Adoi. Baik ak kwn ngn tiang je. Marahla. Semua org pun nak marah ak.

Dah. Mlas dah nak ckp. Mungkin bnyak sgt dose ak smpi kurg ckit rse gembire ramadhan kali ni. Agaknye kalu ak mati pon, org dah lupe dah. Rase mcm nk bercuti. Ntah. Gi jauh ckit dr smue org. Like disappear utk few days. Sronok jugak.

Rindunya. Rindu sgt kat shikamaruddin. Kalu die ader mesti die xmarah. Siap bley buat joke lg. Nenek. Popia basah nenek pj. Ikan parang masak asam pedas, masak pindang. Nenek bebel2. Nenek kepongnye rendang tok, acar buah, lontong. Rindu kat nek nya. Yg selalu ajar ngaji, pastu bile salah je kene sebat. Kdg2 bile org dah xder; baru kite appreciate diorg. Rindunyer. Rindu sgt. Tapi nak buat camner. Bukannye dapat jumpe pun. Kat cni; smue org pon marah2. xske. Haih~ grow up jeda!!